his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Are we still banned from the library?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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