There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
