I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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