just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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