I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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