Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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