I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
