You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
