Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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