Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
