sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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