boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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