We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
