I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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