The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
