I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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