She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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