If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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