First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
