Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize