Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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