OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
