She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
