You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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