Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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