I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
