Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i will never coherently bang her
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
