I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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