Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
