cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
