you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I look excited, but its just a facade.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
