He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
What changed your mind?
Being sober
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
