I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
