She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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