Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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