YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
