Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
