I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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