idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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