dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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