Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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