Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Randomize
