I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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