That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize