i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize