he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
