Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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