Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
