Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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