i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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