I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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