Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
