3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize