I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
