just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
birth control should be required to get into college
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
