i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
