i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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