I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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