I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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