im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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