Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
