the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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