my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
