the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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