please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You took a bar mat shot.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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