i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
